Sunday, January 09, 2011

What's Out in 2011...

What follows is my personal list of "What's Out" in 2011.

Salt’s “What’s Out in 2011”

10. Zombies and all other mythical creatures (including, but not limited to: Vampires, Werewolves, the Unicorn and the Liger)

But seriously over the past few years we’ve seen an influx of zombie and vampire movies. In a weird way it has legitimatized the mid-90’s “goth” movement. It’s over. Team Edward and team Jacob, along with Zombieland and all other Zombie flicks, have been voted off the proverbial island. Find something else...

9. The word “Epic”

Once a word used by English professors to describe classic novels, within the last few years it has been used by High Schoolers and College students alike to describe everything from a misty-flips to Raisin Bran Crunch. That’s all well and good but recently it’s been found coming out of the mouths of Middle-Schoolers--the tell-tale sign of it being no longer cool.

8. The term “Green”

Not only has it be politicized and found its way onto Walmart’s agenda. Also it’s prompted a themed week of sitcoms on NBC, the weirdest of which involved characters from Law and Order discussing the benefits of composting corpses... Lame. Now when you hear the word “green” you’re more likely to cringe than buy a new travel coffee mug. Keep recycling, just find a new word.

7. Shock Pop (including of course Lady Gaga, but also Katy Perry)

The past few years we’ve seen Shock Pop-Starlets dress up in meat suits, like a merry-go-rounds, or whatever Gaga is going for... it simply needs to end. I’m sure some people like it, for some God-awful reason. It’s weird, not in a good way.

6. 3-D Movies (Avatar, etc.)

This fad died with our parents. We tried it with Avatar, it was cool-ish. Since, we’ve not been impressed. Let’s keep movies normal.

5. Facebook as life

I love Facebook. Just to get that out there. But it has the capacity to consume endless hours of your day. Did you know that Ellensburg has 300 sunny days a year? You would if you got off Facebook.

4. Twitter

Let’s face it. Maybe for celebrities. Otherwise... stick with Facebook.

3. Only coming to Salt once a quarter...

Not just a word from your sponsor but, I mean, c’mon...

2. Snuggies

Not only have they been making average good-natured people look like a druid or a member of some weird secret society; now they have them for dogs. Did you hear that?! They have them for dogs. I know they have a jokey/funny/white-elephant/endearing quality to them but that’s how it always starts. Next thing you know you’ll be wearing them in your room all day as you peruse Facebook, try to find a Twitter app that won’t overload your outdated Smartphone, while listening to Katy Perry, all on a Tuesday night. Don’t let this happen.

1. 4Loco

Not only is it just plain dumb to shove a six pack of beer and five cups of coffee into a can. But it is also literally “out”, as in out of our beloved evergreen state. As in Idaho, or Oregon. Out.